A letter to our daughter

This is a letter I wrote to BG on December 2, 2012, the night we found it she was going to be a girl...

Dear Baby Girl,

Tonight is Mama and Daddy's anniversary... six years. To celebrate, we went out to dinner and asked the restaurant to make us a pink or blue dessert to reveal your gender. It was a delicious meal, but the dessert (a pink cannoli) was truly sweet. I can't believe we'll be welcoming you, our daughter, in just a few short months.

We've been calling you BG (short for Baby Girl) since the first trimester. I had a feeling you were a girl early on, as this pregnancy has been so much different than the pregnancy with your brother. Simply put: I felt awful. It was a really rough ten weeks for me and you. I was nauseous and exhausted virtually all day and night. But as my second trimester approached (14 weeks) it was like a switch flipped... almost overnight I stopped feeling sick and had my energy back! Since then, this pregnancy has been an absolute joy.

Although we didn't learn your gender until tonight (Sunday), we got to see you at your 20 week ultrasound this past Wednesday. We got several photos from the ultrasound tech, and I simply can't stop staring at your beautiful face. You have such delicate little features... cute button nose, sweet rose bud lips. I can't wait to shower you with snuggles and kisses when you arrive in April.

Undoubtedly, the greatest blessing is that you're healthy. You have a strong heart, with four chambers and blood flowing smoothly throughout. Your kidneys are working, and your brain looks "beautiful" according to the ultrasound tech. I'm so thankful to know you're growing healthy and strong.

I started feeling your kicks and movements a few weeks ago, but they've been much more muffled and sporadic than what I remember with your brother. It turns out, the placenta is on the front of my uterus this time, meaning there's a thicker cushion between the two of us. I usually feel you moving around a few times a day though, which is such a joy. Even though this is our second pregnancy, I can't believe how new and magical everything feels again. You are such an incredible miracle.

Daddy, Will and I love you so much. We can't wait to meet you in a few short months.

Love,

Mama

Welcome back, feet

My feet have returned to their normal size. Sigh. I feel so much better.

It's hard to focus, let alone get things accomplished, when you're really, really ridiculously swollen. And hot. Swollen and hot are not a good combo for anyone.

But the humidity has dipped way down, and they're forecasting evening temps in the 50s tonight. Sleeping with the windows open again will thrill me beyond belief.

The big conversation

I did it. I told the boss I'm not coming back.

It was a good conversation. She said she was sad to lose me (natch), but that she wasn't surprised.

I tried to stress how great the job is, and how much I've learned in the past three years. She asked for my assistance with the transition, and even left to the door open to do some freelancing. I'm happy to be leaving on a good note.

So 12 more weeks of employment... then I'm a stay-at-home mom and part-time grad student. Crazy.

Pregnancy + Heat = Swollen

You should see how swollen my feet and ankles are. They're huge. Like HUGE. I feel like I'm hobbling around on stumps.

We have a mirror at the top of our staircase that reflects from the waist down. So every time I go up or down the stairs I catch a glimpse of my gigantic cankles. They're not pretty.

Ben reminds me that this heat is uncharacteristic for May, and even in August, this will probably be about the hottest it gets. Let's hope as the temperatures drop later this week, so do the size of my feet.

It's going to be a looooooong summer.

"Glowing" or some other term to make pregnant women feel less disgusting

I've never really been one to sweat. Even when exercising. Sure my face will get pink and my hair line will get a little damp. But I never really sweat.

Until now. Except it's not sweating when you're pregnant, it's "glowing". As if that's supposed to make it better. Well let me tell you... I "glow" like a pig.

We've had approximately 3 days of warm, summer weather. And I've been 100% miserable (and especially irritable) since. I'm hot all the time. I "glow" at my desk. In the car. Sitting on the couch. I feel so gross. I have a feeling I'll be taking showers three times a day pretty quick.

Needless to say, I'm really excited to be in my third trimester for the three hottest months of the year. Fair warning, Ben... our electric bill is going to be insane. I'm running the air conditioner 24/7.

Bump Watch

Time flies... 26 weeks and counting! Baby now weighs 2 lbs. If only I could explain the other 16 lbs I've gained thus far. (?!?!?)

---

UPDATE: C reminds me that at least 5 lbs of my weight gain has to be from my boobs. These suckers are huge. Huge! I now know what it's like to be my sister.

This is what nesting looks like, in case you were wondering

At 4:00 this afternoon, I felt the overwhelming urge to clean and re-organize all of my kitchen cabinets. There was absolutely no holding me back. Next up: the basement.

Mea culpa

As it turns out, yesterday's blog post wasn't well received in some circles. To be clear, I didn't mean to imply that I'm still wishing for a girl. What I was trying to say is that I don't quite understand how to go about raising a boy. I'm certain that I'll pick it up along the way. But a mother/son relationship is one I can't comprehend quite yet.

I love my son. And when I hold him for the first time, I know I won't give boy vs. girl another thought. But until then, I can't help but wonder what being his mother will be like.

The Truth About Boys

It seems horrible to say this out loud, but here it goes.

I really wanted a girl.

You always hear, "I just want a healthy baby!" Well yeah, duh. We all do. But you know that part of you is hoping for one sex or another.

So though I'm thrilled our baby is healthy and growing strong, part of me was disappointed when the ultrasound tech said "it's a boy!"

It took me a few days to wrap my head around it. I love our baby no matter what. But I really don't know what to do with a boy. I mean, I get girls. I lived it. And their clothes are so much cuter.

I was feeling like a horrible mother until a good friend confided that she felt the same way with her first. It's funny to feel sad about something so joyous. But there it was anyway. A twinge of disappointment. What gives?

It took some serious soul-searching before I realized that I wasn't mourning having a boy, I was mourning not being able to experience my own mother-daughter relationship. I have an incredible relationship with my mom. I assumed that what makes our bond great is that we're mother and daughter. But really it's that we're mother and child.

I can still take everything I learned from my mom and give it to my son. It isn't a relationship exclusive to mothers and daughters. But it's really the only one I know.

Registry Woes

Ben and I spent two hours at Target last night registering for baby. Considering there are only eight aisles of baby items, that's a really long time! There are just so many choices. Like literally an entire aisle of bottles. An entire aisle! How the hell are you supposed to pick?

To register for a baby you should be required to bring a veteran mom with you. Someone who can say, "nope, that's crap, you'll never use it" or "you need one of these, fo sho".

We managed to compile a decent list, but still, it was exausting. No where near as fun as when we registered for our wedding.

O Negative = A Positive

Get it? A positive? As in a good thing? I crack myself up.

We got Ben's blood results back. He's O negative, so we shouldn't have to get the Rhogam shot at 28 weeks. Woo hoo!

As I mentioned in a previous post, the Rhogam shot is standard practice for all Rh negative mothers. As my doctor explained it, it's cheaper to vaccinate every Rh negative mother than to have their partners' blood types tested. But that just didn't seem right to me. What if Ben and I had compatible blood types?

Now I'm not anti-vaccine. I got my flu shots as recommended, and I fully intend to vaccinate our child. Plus, Rhogam is vital when it's really needed. It prevents the mother's immune system from attacking her baby's red blood cells (if the baby is Rh positive).

What I have a problem with is doing something "just because." Blindly accepting a vaccine that may or may not be needed seemed crazy to me. Not everyone fits the same mold, in pregnancy or otherwise.

Bump Watch

Getting bigger every day! Here's 24 weeks.

I'm holding the dress tight so you can actually see the bump, but this is one of my favorite outfits. The dress has an empire waist, with super cute pleating in the front.

My new greatest thrill is wearing non-maternity clothes that can accomodate my growing belly. This dress is just one of those items. Hopefully it still fits in a few weeks... I'd like to wear it to my cousin Jenny's wedding.

The "It's Always Sunny" Baby

I love It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia. It's just so damn funny.

But who knew that Mac and Dee were an item in real life? They too are expecting a boy in August. Her "easy" pregnancy seems to mimic my own. And incidentally our son is also "really handsome." I'm going to pretend we're pregnancy BFFs.

Stella's New Ride

Check it out... Stella's got a sweet new ride!

As it turns out, baby and Great Dane do not fit easily in the back of four door sedan. So we traded in the 2002 Honda Accord (tear, she was a good car), and got this much roomier 2007 Buick Rendevous (which we lovingly refer to as "Ze Vous").

Stella is a little sad that she can't stick her head directly out of the window, but she's figured out a viable alternative.

Ready for the weekend

We are actually at home this weekend, a rare treat in Ben and Sam land. We have so much to do before the baby comes, but we also want to build in some time to have some fun. Here's what's on our plate this Saturday and Sunday...

1) Find out Ben's blood type.

Either Ben or his brother are A negative. His mom can't remember. But we're hoping it's Ben. Because I'm A negative, and if Ben is A negative I don't have to get the 28 week rhogam shot.

According to the hospital, it's cheaper to give all A negative mothers the shot then test their partners' blood types. But I'd like to avoid any vaccines or medications unless absolutely necessary. So Ben will be giving blood at a local blood drive on Saturday. Part good deed, part selfish fact-finding mission.

2) Organize the kitchen.

We have to find room to put bottles and other baby gear. And since we're knocking a hole in our dining room for a new patio door, I also need to find a place to store all of our wine glasses (since the cabinet they live in now will no longer fit).

3) Make salad for dinner.

We're going to Amy and John's for dinner, and I'm bringing salad. I'm going to attempt to recreate my favorite salad from Cannova's. It has balsamic dressing, red onion, pine nuts, bacon and mozzarella. Yum.

4) Take Stella to the dog park.

Poor dog just needs to run. I've had a crazy week at work and she hasn't gotten the exercise she deserves.

5) Tour Casa de Horton.

Friends Jill and Tyler just bought a new place, so we're bringing over breakfast and taking a peek. It was incredibly darling on the virtual tour. I can't wait to see it in person.

I was so crazed about people seeing our house before it was "finished". But guess what? Four years later and it's still a work in progress. You may have your own vision, but everyone is going to love your place for what it is: your home.

6) Figure out baby storage solutions.

The walls are painted and the furniture is in. But we need to figure out some sort of dresser and shelving solution for the baby's room. You wouldn't believe the stuff we've already collected for this kid.

7) Make pancakes.

Just because. With butter and syrup. Pregnancy craving.

Wisconsin Reunion

Lindsay and I reunited in Madison this weekend for a writing conference at our alma madder. Unfortunately, the conference was not as great as in year's past, but we had a fantastic time catching up.

Lindsay is part of a contingency of girls I met as a freshman in Slichter Hall. We've scattered throughout the country since we graduated in 2005, and sadly we don't get to see each other much anymore. But the best thing about old friends is that when you get back together, virtually no time has passed. You pick up right where you left off.

Here we are admiring the baby bump. Don't I look like a giant next to her? She's so cute and petite.

It was a very rainy and dreary weekend, but still so beautiful. I heart Madison.

Weight Gain

I'm up 14 pounds from November, which is actually a little higher than the recommended weight gain for 22 weeks. It appears I will gain more than the 20 or so pounds I was hoping for. Boo.

More salads and green vegetables for me. They're better for baby anyway.

New Obsession

Maybe it's cravings or maybe it's nesting, but I'm obsessed with cooking lately. I want to cook everything. I want to try fancy new recipes. And I'm actually using kitchen gadgets that haven't been touched since my bridal shower four years ago.

My new cooking-related obsession is the Wicked Noodle blog. So fab. I'm planning to try the Nutella Mousse tonight. Swoon.

Check it out under my fav links on the right.

Bump Watch

Here we are at 22 weeks. Getting bigger!

I'm carrying so high that people tell me all the time that I must be having a girl. Um, sorry. No. But nice try.

Poor Ben

Let me just say that Ben deserves major props for being married to pregnant me. I've had a very easy pregnancy so far. But I still can be pretty moody and hormonal.

My major gripe this past week was that I didn't want to eat. Now, I know I have to eat, but nothing sounded good to me. So I'd force myself to eat some protein and vegetables whenever possible. But I was crabby about it. Nothing tasted good.

Until Sunday. When we went to Panera. And Ben's smoked turkey sandwich was the most delicious sandwich I had ever seen in my entire life. I asked nicely for bite, and he was happy to share. But then I ate it. The entire thing. And my salad. And half my soup. Leaving him with virtually nothing. Not exactly the lunch he was looking for.

Ben was very sweet, and assured me over and over again that he wanted me to have it. Still I felt a little guilty. I pretty much hijacked his lunch.

But he was probably relieved to have a break in the food complaints. And it felt so good to actually enjoy a meal. I'm seeing a lot of Panara trips in the near future.