It seems horrible to say this out loud, but here it goes.
I really wanted a girl.
You always hear, "I just want a healthy baby!" Well yeah, duh. We all do. But you know that part of you is hoping for one sex or another.
So though I'm thrilled our baby is healthy and growing strong, part of me was disappointed when the ultrasound tech said "it's a boy!"
It took me a few days to wrap my head around it. I love our baby no matter what. But I really don't know what to do with a boy. I mean, I get girls. I lived it. And their clothes are so much cuter.
I was feeling like a horrible mother until a good friend confided that she felt the same way with her first. It's funny to feel sad about something so joyous. But there it was anyway. A twinge of disappointment. What gives?
It took some serious soul-searching before I realized that I wasn't mourning having a boy, I was mourning not being able to experience my own mother-daughter relationship. I have an incredible relationship with my mom. I assumed that what makes our bond great is that we're mother and daughter. But really it's that we're mother and child.
I can still take everything I learned from my mom and give it to my son. It isn't a relationship exclusive to mothers and daughters. But it's really the only one I know.
Way to be honest Sam. I know you'll have an aweseome relationship with your son, but I know what you mean because I've only ever seen mother-daughter relationships up close. Maybe it seems weird cause we don't have brothers.
ReplyDeleteLove the honesty Sammy. As women who are fortunate to have really great relationships with our mothers, I think it's only natural to hope that we can have that same type of relationship with our girls someday. It doesn't mean we won't develop meaningful relationship with our boys, just that those are unknown to us.
ReplyDeleteOn the up-side, boys are WAY less dramatic than girls even if their clothes aren't as cute... :)