Saturday, April 30, 2011


I had a crazy revelation today. Will has now been alive longer outside of me than inside of me. Will was born at 37 weeks and 6 days gestation. And today he's 38 weeks old. Whoa. That seems really monumental.

Obviously, most of his life will be out in this world, but it doesn't seem that long ago that he was mine and only mine inside my belly. That I was counting down the days until he got here so he could meet Daddy and Stella, and aunts and uncles, and grandmas and grandpas. And now he's been alive longer outside of me than inside of me. I just can't seem to get over that.

Friday, April 29, 2011

To work or not to work?

That is the question.

I've been offered a part-time graduate assistantship for the 2011-2012 academic year. The job would be a good fit for me... 15 hours per week, competitive pay, and in my program department with professors I know and respect.

The position would require me to be away from Will 2-3 days a week, which I know doesn't sound major, but feels incredibly monumental since I'm only away from him about 4 hours a week now.

Will will be 13 months when the position begins, which is plenty old to start spending a few days a week away from Mama. It's not that I'm worried about him being with someone else. My mother-in-law would take him one day a week (maybe more). The other days he would be at the university child care center, which is a very nice facility.

But I'm having trouble reconciling my desire to gain experience in my chosen field with my desire to be home with my child. I just don't know what the right thing to do is.

Ah, mom guilt.

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Au revoir, April

April, you've been kind of intense.

I submitted three papers for my grad school class, wrote an article for my new freelance gig, got our house ready to sell, started looking for a new place to live, went to two birthday parties and one baby shower, traveled home to Minnesota, and made two pies for Easter. Not to mention the great contraception failure of 2011, which led Ben and I to panic about possibly being pregnant for the majority of the month (thank God, we're not).

So April, it's been real. But I'm looking forward to May.


Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Hump Day Humor

I'm having a highly unoriginal week in which I borrow other people's words rather than writing my own. But two papers due on the same day will drain a girl intellectually, so here you go...

I love Tina Fey, so I was super pumped to see that she had a new book coming out. Then I came across this excerpt and promptly put her at the top of my Goodreads queue. It's a bit more apropo for parents of girls, but still awesome. Enjoy.

Yeah, she's pretty much awesome

Mother's Prayer for Her Child
By Tina Fey

“First, Lord: No tattoos. May neither Chinese symbol for truth nor Winnie-the-Pooh holding the FSU logo stain her tender haunches.

May she be Beautiful but not Damaged, for it’s the Damage that draws the creepy soccer coach’s eye, not the Beauty.

When the Crystal Meth is offered, may she remember the parents who cut her grapes in half and stick with Beer.

Guide her, protect her when crossing the street, stepping onto boats, swimming in the ocean, swimming in pools, walking near pools, standing on the subway platform, crossing 86th Street, stepping off of boats, using mall restrooms, getting on and off escalators, driving on country roads while arguing, leaning on large windows, walking in parking lots, riding Ferris wheels, roller-coasters, log flumes, or anything called “Hell Drop,” “Tower of Torture,” or “The Death Spiral Rock ‘N Zero G Roll featuring Aerosmith,” and standing on any kind of balcony ever, anywhere, at any age.

Lead her away from Acting but not all the way to Finance. Something where she can make her own hours but still feel intellectually fulfilled and get outside sometimes And not have to wear high heels. What would that be, Lord? Architecture? Midwifery? Golf course design? I’m asking You, because if I knew, I’d be doing it, Youdammit.

May she play the Drums to the fiery rhythm of her Own Heart with the sinewy strength of her Own Arms, so she need Not Lie With Drummers.

Grant her a Rough Patch from twelve to seventeen. Let her draw horses and be interested in Barbies for much too long, for childhood is short – a Tiger Flower Blooming Magenta for one day – And adulthood is long, and dry-humping in cars will wait.

O Lord, break the Internet forever, that she may be spared the misspelled invective of her peers and the online marketing campaign for Rape Hostel V: Girls Just Wanna Get Stabbed.

And when she one day turns on me and calls me a bitch in front of Hollister, give me the strength, Lord, to yank her directly into a cab in front of her friends, for I will not have that shit. I will not have it.

And should she choose to be a Mother one day, be my eyes, Lord, that I may see her, lying on a blanket on the floor at 4:50 A.M., all-at-once exhausted, bored, and in love with the little creature whose poop is leaking up its back. “My mother did this for me once,” she will realize as she cleans feces off her baby’s neck. “My mother did this for me.” And the delayed gratitude will wash over her as it does each generation and she will make a Mental Note to call me. And she will forget. But I’ll know, because I peeped it with Your God eyes.


Tuesday, April 26, 2011

A Poem For Spring

This was shared during church on Easter Sunday. It was written by a member of our congregation. Too lovely not to share.

Photo Credit: oakjane (Flickr)

Spring is a long time coming this year
Winter hangs on and on. The screen
of the greening world goes blank
with cold and snow. The earth itself

tells us it is so: we cannot escape.
Winds of destruction blow.
Waters rise. Fires burn.
The very ground shifts

below. Is earth a tomb?

We bury our bulbs in fall, then,
when nothing more than shrunken
lumps with dry, flaking skin.
We believe the promise

of life anew. The earth itself
tells us it is true. The dead
of winter passes, raging still.
Can we see, beneath the snow,

sprigs of daffodil. Earth is a womb.

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Hoppy Easter!

Too bad you need at least three teeth to eat jelly beans

Not a bad haul for my first Easter

Pretty sure I'm cute as a bunny

Reading my Easter book with Mama

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Eight Months Old

Yes, Mama?

Dear Will,

The best word to describe you these days is "happy". You've always been a wonderful baby, but comparing your personality now to your personality just a few months ago is night and day. We've come a long way from those early months of colic. Now you are always smiling. You love to laugh. You are an absolute joy.

You might as well be talking for how much you babble. It seems some string of vowels and consonants are always streaming out of your mouth. Ba-ba-ba, oooooo, and pa-pa-pa are among your favorites. You say ma-ma-ma quite a bit, but more often when you're tired or upset. So I'm choosing to believe that means you're asking for me.

In addition to babbling, you recently figured out how to blow raspberries. You take big dramatic breaths and blow with all your might. It's so cute. I think you like some combination of the sound it makes and the vibration on your lips.

You've developed a pretty good case of the "I want Mama's" lately, crying nearly whenever I leave the room. This means you spend a lot of time perched on Mama's hip or sitting in Mama's lap. That part I love. But it's hard to hear you cry for me when I drop you off at Grandma's for the afternoon, or run upstairs even for a minute. Don't worry, my darling. I will always come back to you.

I know it's the same month after month, but child, you love to eat. Sometimes I'm shocked by how much food you can put away. Your favorite foods this month include pumpkin, sweet potatoes, carrots, mango, apricots, apples and bananas. See a pattern developing? We're worried you're going to turn orange from all that beta carotene. I try to sneak in some green veggies here and there, but you reject them quite firmly and purposefully. You used to love peas, but no more. If it's not orange, you're not interested.

We gave you a bedtime blanket this past month, which you just adore. It's a soft muslin blanket with satin trim. You love to cuddle up next to it and stroke the fabric. It's so sweet.

You sit on your own no problem now. It was like one day you just woke up and decided "yeah, it's about time I sit by myself." This makes playtime a ton of fun, since I can plop you down in the middle of the floor with a basket of toys beside you. It's so great to watch you pick out your favorites and explore each one.

For whatever reason, you rotate toys only with your right hand and shake them only with your left hand. But you'll bang your toys with any hand, on any thing. It's so funny to watch you play vs. how your girlfriends play. The girls are so gentle with their toys, but not you. You're throwing them and crashing them into stuff (other toys, the floor, the dog, yourself). Then turning them and shaking them to see how they work. I never really believed in inherent gender roles, but even as a baby you're all boy, my darling.

You want to move so badly, but you haven't quite figured out how crawling works. You will however, roll back and forth to inch yourself closer to things. And you can pivot quite quickly on your stomach. Though you seem to want to crawl, you don't get too frustrated. You just keep reaching and trying the only ways you know how. You'll get it eventually. And admittedly, I'm no hurry to have to baby proof.

After I put you to bed each night, I literally can't wait until I get to see you again in the morning. Daddy and I frequently have conversations about how unbelievably awesome you are. We are so proud to be your parents.

I love you, my darling boy.


Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Not cool, Mother Nature

December? Nope. April 19. As in FOUR WEEKS after the first day of spring.

Damn Groundhog

Granted, the thunder snow and lightening was kind of cool. But the 4-6 inches of "heavy ass snow" (Ben's words) totally sucked.

Plus, I have no winter gear that actually fits Will since winter was supposed to be over, oh I don't know, a month ago?!?

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Word Nerd

There's this auto shop in Oshkosh with a marquee that reads: "Ferrari service at Wal-Mart prices".

I get what they're trying to say, but you can't compare two unlike items. It should either be "Ferrari service at Kia prices" (both cars) or "Neiman Marcus service at Wal-Mart prices" (both retail stores).

It irritates me every time.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

File this one under "Embarrassing Things My Mom Put On The Internet"

Sorry to talk about my child's bowel movements, but Will has the best "poop face". He gets really serious and focused. It makes us laugh every time.

Ben and I have been trying for months to capture it on film. Lucky for you, we finally got it last week.

The poop face

Wait, did you just take my picture?

You're going to post that where?!?!?

Sunday, April 10, 2011

Naptime FAIL

I know I shouldn't give him a bottle to help him fall asleep. But sometimes when he's overtired, won't settle down and I know he'll eat, I do it anyway.

Today was one of those days.

Will sleep for food

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

These moments

It's late. Close to midnight. I've just finished my homework and I hear you starting to fuss from your room. It's more than "going back to sleep" fussing, so I listen for a moment then creep in to give you your pacifier. It doesn't help though and you start to cry.

This is rare for you these days, so I know something is wrong. Your gums hurt or you're scared. Or maybe you just want Mama. Whatever the case, I pick you up in my arms and sit with you in the rocking chair. You quiet instantly, and snuggle your little face into my chest.

We sit there rocking together. I'm singing softly and you're looking up at me. I feel like my heart is literally going to explode from loving you so much. Slowly you start to nod off. I kiss your sweet little hands and cheeks, gently pick you up and lay you peacefully back in your crib.

These are the moments that I am forever thankful for. And the ones that I will hold on to for the rest of my life.

Friday, April 1, 2011

Know anyone who's going to have an Easter baby?

Because this bunny hat and diaper cover is the cutest thing I've ever seen.

Photo courtesy of BP Designs

It would be the sweetest ensemble for newborn pictures. Swoon.