Feel Free To Punch Me In the Face

Snoozy

I hesitate to write this because...

a) I don't want to jinx it, and

b) when Will was little (and not sleeping) I wanted to punch these people in the face, but...

Charlotte has been sleeping through the night for the past week.

Girlfriend goes to bed at 7:00 PM. Ben wakes her around 11:00/11:30 PM to give her a bottle. Then I wake her at 7:00 AM because my breasts are so full I feel like they're going to explode. Except for the 10-15 minutes that she's taking the bottle and getting a diaper change, she's sleeping.

Let's just take a moment to reflect on how awesome that is... 12 CONSECUTIVE HOURS, PEOPLE. At three months old. I'm pretty sure that Will didn't sleep for 12 consecutive hours until he was almost two.

So I'm kind of in awe. It can't possibly last, but I'll take it while I can get it. It feels ah-mazing to sleep all night (except for the overwhelmingly painful breast fullness when I wake up). But the sleep. Bliss.

I feel like a fully functioning member of society again.

We've Come A Long Way, Baby

Last week, I was sipping coffee with a friend when an elderly woman approached us and asked how old Charlotte is. We exchanged pleasantries and gushed over my beautiful baby. As the woman was leaving she said, "Motherhood suits you, my dear! You're a natural."

Fast forward to today as I stopped to nurse Charlotte at a local parenting store. I entered the lounge area, which was empty except for another mother who was trying to soothe her fussy little one. The woman looked frazzled. The baby was cranky, her diaper bag had spilled all over the floor, she had spit-up on her shoulder. She was pretty much a hot mess. I slipped her a sympathetic smile, glided over to a chair and started nursing my smiley, serene baby when it struck me:

I was this woman just three short years ago.

The baby's grandmother was also with them, and we started chatting. "How old is your baby?" the grandmother asked. "Three months today," I responded. "Maddy just turned two months," the grandmother replied. "Have you found it gets easier each month?"

At this point, the mother looked up at me with that frazzled, stressed out look I remember too well. That look of... "Please, just tell me this is going to get better." That look of... "This can't always be this bad, can it? CAN IT?!?"

I smiled and said that Charlotte is our second baby, and that it's been a much easier adjustment this time around. Then I looked straight at the mother and said, "My older son was a really challenging infant. How are you doing?"

And the floodgates opened. She teared up and told me about how her baby doesn't sleep. How her baby screams for hours a day. How she's pumping because the baby won't latch. How her milk supply is running out. How she feels terrible for having to start formula. How she's desperate for her husband to come home in the evening because she just can't take it anymore.

I listened. I empathized. I avoided giving advice because she's doing what she knows best. It's not like there's a magic formula for dealing with a colicky baby. Other than time. And alcohol.

What I did tell her is that I'm a strong believer in the "fourth trimester" (the three months after birth in which the baby is adjusting to life outside the womb). That things did get easier as Will got older. That he's a bright, curious, sweet, sensitive little boy now. That I still think back to his early-infancy and shudder (seriously people, if you've never had a colicky baby, you just can't imagine the hell). That it took us a long, damn time to even think about having another kid. That finding other like-minded mom friends was the only way I survived (and continue to survive). That I eventually found my footing as a parent, and she will too.

It's almost as if I was talking to myself three years ago. I wish I would have had more people around me back then to help normalize my experience. To remind me that I'm not doing anything wrong. That I'm doing the best I can. That I'm not failing as a mother.

As they got up to leave, I looked down at my sweet, sleeping Charlotte and realized...

We've come a long way, baby.

Reflections from the Newborn Haze

Sorry blogging has been a bit lackluster lately. I only sleep about 3 hours at a time these days, so my brain is foggy and seemingly incapable of coherent thought.

Regardless, here are some musings on parenting two kids and parenting a newborn again...

1. I'm a much more relaxed parent this time around. This is likely because I'm not cripplingly depressed like I was with Will, not to mention Charlotte is a generally chill baby. I'm glad to have the "fun" newborn experience. Although Will grew into a sweet, funny, smart kid, the first few months of his life were really challenging. With Charlotte, I understand why people love newborns. She's just so sweet and cuddly!
2. Taking care of two kids isn't as overwhelming as I thought it would be. Honestly, the hardest part is leaving the house on time. Everything takes an additional 10-15 minutes these days.
3. I forgot how worthless it is to "sleep when the baby sleeps." I really tried to do this in the weeks immediately after the birth, but now, I want those two hours in the afternoon for me, not sleep. (Thus, why I'm blogging right now instead of napping.)
4. The patio furniture section at Target is the greatest place ever to breastfeed. Comfy chairs and pillows for the win! Bonus points if you get a Diet Coke to enjoy while you're back there.
5. The most used piece of baby gear this time around is our Beco carrier. I liked carriers with Will and we used them often, but having two hands free is a must with a two year-old. Charlotte pretty much lives strapped to my chest.

Naming Charlotte

For weeks, Ben and I were at an impasse on what to name the baby. He loved the name Charlotte. I loved the name Norah. Neither of us was willing to budge.

I was fully planning to play the labor and delivery card for my name choice, but I started coming around to the name Charlotte in the weeks before her birth. However, the moment that put me over the edge was this email from a friend...

"I just want to point out that if you have a Charlotte and call her Charlie (which, just so we are clear, I'm going to do behind your back even if you tell me not to), then your family will be Ben, Sam, Will, and Charlie. Two beautiful and stealthy women masquerading in a family of male names.  If you don't do this I'm totally going to try to pay another family to do so."

Two beautiful and stealthy women masquerading in a family of male names. 
I was sold.

When she arrived, we took one look at her and knew: she was our sweet Charlotte. It suits her, and I can't imagine her as anyone else.

A few amusing anecdotes

I can't form any cohesive thoughts to write a formal blog post, so here are some snippets from our life in the past week:

1. We all had the stomach flu (gastroenteritis) last week. It started with Will, who showed no signs of being sick, until he started vomiting all over the OB's office while in the middle of my 38 week check. Seriously... I'm on the exam table, doppler gel on my belly, maternity pants pulled down around my waist. And Will starts barfing. Everywhere. It was horrifying at the time, but pretty damn comical looking back now.
2. I ripped my maternity pants, which is probably a new personal low.
3. Will has started declaring that he can't do things (like brush his teeth or put away his toys) because "my belly is just too big, Mama." 
4. Will started sobbing at the grocery store today because I put ice cream in the cart. WTF? He kept begging me to put it back, tears streaming down his face. I probably should have just put it back and avoided the episode (and the extra calories), but at 9 months pregnant, food is my only friend. (Mother of the year, right?)

Marriage After Baby

I mentioned this in my 30th birthday post, but marriage with young children is hard.

Ben and I especially struggled in the weeks and months after Will was born. Navigating new parenthood is disorienting enough. But add on a colicky newborn and post-partum depression, and we had a lot of stress in our house for the first 6 months year of Will's life.

I used to feel so isolated because NO ONE TALKS ABOUT THE HARD STUFF. Being a mother is incredibly rewarding. I love my child with all my heart and soul. But parenthood isn't all sunshine and roses. And it took a toll on our relationship.

I tried opening up about our struggles. But everyone else's marriage was "stronger" and "better" and "OMG, so much more meaningful" after kids. Yet Ben and I were getting divorced at 3:00 AM when the baby was up for the fourth time in five hours and neither of us had slept in over a week. I seriously thought we were the only couple this was happening to.

So I found this column honest and spot on. While reading, I was actually nodding my head and chuckling in agreement. I literally could have written this myself, so here's my augmented commentary:

1. Affirmative: Sex and wine fix almost anything.
2. We spend many an evening with me on my MacBook and Ben on his iPad. But if we're sitting on the couch right next to each other, I consider this a win.
3. I don't know how anyone raises kids without grandparents nearby. My in-laws live 20 minutes away and are always willing to pitch in. My own parents visit 1-2 times a month, which is a blast for Will and wonderful rest for Ben and I. Grandparents rule.
4. For the love, pay your babysitters well. This is not the time to bargain shop. We usually pay $8-10/hour, depending on how old the sitter is.
5. I also despise the term "date night". But do it. Regularly.
6. We're really bad at this. But to make your marriage a priority, you have to see yourself as more than a parent. You have to be a partner first.
7. We really try to limit screen time in our house, but sometimes Super Why is a freaking lifesaver.
8. I'm better at going out with friends than going out with Ben (and visa versa). Partly because we don't have to arrange a sitter if one of us is home. But we really have to work on making more time for each other.
9. We rock at making "someday" plans. When we go back to Italy, when we finally take that beach vacation, when we can afford to re-do the basement. Shared dreams and a vision for the future help keep us connected.
10. Yes. For the love. Just shut the door.
11. Ben and I check in with one another quite frequently throughout the day. Nothing too crazy, but it's always nice to touch base via phone call or text message, if even for a minute.
12. I think it's important for us to sit down and eat dinner as a family, but this is a good reminder that we can occasionally eat after Will goes to bed and just be adults for a bit.
13. I'm known for being crabby as hell when I'm hungry. Sometimes in the middle of the fight, Ben will ask me if I need a snack. More often than not, I do.
14. Taking a breath and apologizing goes a long way. I read once that the least pissed person should take responsibility for de-escalating an argument. Usually, if one of us softens, so does the other. It makes resolving the issue so much easier.
15. We literally had the kitchen counters fight last month. I think this woman is me in a parallel universe.
16. Will's bedtime routine is sacred at our house. I know some people think we're way to rigid, but getting him to bed on his schedule makes everyone's night better. I desperately need those 2-3 hours of child-free time after he goes to sleep. It makes me a better mother and a better partner.

Things have gotten better for us as Will's gotten older. Partially because he's not so stressful anymore (colicky newborns are hell on a relationship), and partially because we're more confident in our roles as parents. Parenthood was so disorienting for us in those first weeks and months, our marriage had to take the back burner until we could figure out how to keep Will alive and thriving. Luckily, we're doing a pretty damn good job of it now.  :)

Our marriage is not as easy and care-free as our pre-child days, but we're definitely figuring out how to be married with children. Taking time to connect and reminding ourselves that we're partners (not just parents) has been essential.

Above all else, I think it's important to be mindful of your relationship and remember that it needs regular care and cultivation. What do you do to help sustain your relationship when you also have young children?

On Being Real

I love this.

If you have a moment, please read it.

I'm totally guilty of this. Even to the point that I don't take photos/videos as much as I should because my house is messy, or I'm not wearing makeup, or Will isn't wearing a particularly darling outfit that day. I totally edit my own life... not only how I want other people to see it, but how I want to remember it.

I try and get real on the blog, but even what I post here is usually the sunshiny, happy stuff. Or at least a toned down version of how I'm really feeling. But you know what? My most popular posts are always the ones that are raw and vulnerable. Because in that great vast expanse that is the Internet (and our daily lives), aren't we just looking to connect with one another?

Those moments we all share on Facebook/Instagram/Twitter aren't a total lie. They happened. We have the digital photo to prove it. But the article is a good reminder that such moments are one snapshot in time, not necessarily indicative of the totality of one's day or one's life. In between those sweet and blissful memories is a hell of a lot of stress, frustration and exhaustion. Because parenting (or marriage, or career) is cyclical. For every great stage, there will be a challenging one. For every amazing, self-affirming moment, there will be one filled with anxiety and self-doubt.

Parenting is a lifelong process... mistakes and growth, highs and lows are just part of the journey.

So Proud

One of the things we emphasize in our house is speaking calmly and verbalizing emotions. I really want Will to have the emotional coping skills necessary to understand and articulate his feelings, as well as the ability to self-advocate. We do this at home by helping him find words for his emotions ("It seems you're feeling sad/frustrated/overwhelmed/disappointed/etc") and by taking one-on-one time to help him process what he's feeling. This often involves heading to a quite place to snuggle and "talk about it". Will does this well at home with Ben, Grandma and I (even when he throws a tantrum, he's usually able to associate an emotion with what he's feeling). But he's never really had to do it with others.

Last week, we were playing at a local kids' cafe when a little girl (probably 3 or 4 years old) came over and deliberately knocked over the train Will was playing with. It took everything in me not to intervene, but I stayed put. Will was visibly upset, but instead of crying or running over to me, he turned to her and said, "Please don't do that. It makes me sad."

I was so. damn. proud.

Unfortunately, his actions didn't really affect the other child's behavior. She came over several other times and knocked over whatever he was playing with. But each time he calmly picked up the toy, asked her to stop ("Please don't do that") and explained why ("It makes me sad").

Later, we had to have the hard conversation of why people don't always do what we ask, even when we ask kindly, but I told him over and over again what a great job he did. It was one of my proudest parenting moments, which I really needed after some of the other toddler behavior we've been experiencing as of late.

Day By Day

Thank you to everyone who took the time to email me or respond on Facebook to my prior post. I was feeling so defeated, and your support made all the difference.

Wednesday was a really bad day. But it was just one day. On Thursday, Friday, Saturday and today, Will has been awesome. Some strong toddler preferences, sure, but nothing like the epic meltdowns we had earlier in the week.

It's a good reminder that one day doesn't make you or break you as a parent. I want to continue pushing myself to be the best mom I can be, but there will be hard days along the way. Parenting is a marathon, not a sprint.

Doing my best to take it one day at a time.

Some days I wish I was a better mother

I'm at my wits end. I'm not sure if it's because he's two, or because I'm seven months pregnant, but everything has been a battle lately.

He doesn't want to change his diaper.

He doesn't want to wear either of those shirts.

He doesn't want to get undressed for swimming class.

He doesn't want to put on a jacket.

He doesn't want to sit in his chair for lunch.

He doesn't want to get in the car.

Sigh. And the list goes on and on.

I know each of these things sounds relatively minor. But each "doesn't want to" results in an epic battle: parent (setting the limit) vs. toddler (pushing the boundaries). Some things I'm learning to loosen up on (Do I really care whether he wants to wear his blue and brown sweater for the the third consecutive day? Probably not.) But other things are non-negotiable (Sorry, but we need to wear a swimsuit for swim lessons).

Ben and I try to be super consistent. We offer choices. We let him know what's coming up next so he'll feel prepared. We provide clear and simple instructions. We listen and empathize with his emotions. We follow-through with reasonable consequences when his behavior doesn't meet expectations.

And yet, he's pushing limits (and buttons) day in and day out. Our days are peppered with tantrums and tears (from both of us). I'm frustrated. And exhausted. So I can't help but wonder...

Am I failing him in some way?

I read books and blogs about the ways to guide more cooperative toddler behavior. Limits, choices, consistency, etc. We're doing everything we can to provide firm and loving guidance. And yet, here we are.

I find myself wondering... is this his personality? A phase? Something we're doing or not doing? I struggle with saying "he's just two" as we know plenty of two and three year olds who manage to listen, cooperate and peacefully co-exist with their parents.

I'm at a loss. Right now our plan is to stay the course (clear direction, consistent limits, reasonable consequences) and hope something clicks in his cute little brain. But if you have any other suggestions, I'm listening.

29 Years Old

I actually wrote this right after my birthday last month, but never posted it. My friend Maggie did this for her 29th earlier this year. I am unabashedly stealing the idea. (Thanks, Maggie! xoxo)

I make a point to chronicle Will's growth and development (almost) every month, but what about my own? I turned 29 on Tuesday (March 20), and I took a moment to reflect on the year that was. Here are my thoughts, which I hope I will find endlessly entertaining 10 years from now.

What did you read?

Almost all of my reading was dedicated to graduate school. The stuff I enjoyed the most was on adult learning theory, technology trends, and student retention initiatives. I fully understand that your eyes just glazed over (Ben, I'm talking to you). But I love it, thus why I'm studying it.

I did find a little time for fun reading over interim breaks, which allowed me to read the Hunger Games trilogy (Suzanne Collins), Enrique's Journey (Sonia Nazario), Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me And Other Concerns (Mindy Kaling), Run (Ann Patchett), and The Night Circus (Erin Morgenstern). Although I have traditionally preferred reading nonfiction or classics, I'm definitely in a contemporary fiction phase. I attribute this largely to the amount of scholarly reading I do on a monthly basis. Fiction provides an escape.

What did you watch?

TV shows I obsessed over this year include: Downton Abbey (PBS) and Sons of Anarchy (FX). We also watch a ton of old shows on Netflix. I'm still working through Brothers & Sisters, but I got through all the seasons of Gossip Girl and the one glorious season of My So Called Life early this year.

What did you do with your spare time?

Ha. Ha, ha. Oh, that's a serious question.

Well, if you define "spare" time as time not used working or being with my family, I guess most of my "spare" time goes to graduate school. I typically do most of my homework between the hours of 8:00 and 11:00 PM, so that leaves little time for a social life if I also want to see my husband, sleep and be up with my kid at 7:00 AM.

When I do manage to get out, it's usually for drinks, dinner or a run. All of which I enjoy. All of which help me chill out and reconnect with myself.

Where did you go?

We haven't taken a real vacation in years. Years. We did go to Door County last summer, but we had to cut our trip short to close on our new house. I visited my dear high school girlfriends in St. Paul for our annual sleepover. And made countless trips (at least once a month) back to my parents' house in Minnesota. We also spent some time in Madison for football games, and one particularly raucous hockey game.

What thrilled you?

Selling our house in just a month! We had a kick ass realtor, and I had that place staged damn cute. We worked our butts off for that offer, but we did it. And we love our new place.

What scared you?

My Mom and Dad were both in really serious car accidents. Mom vs. ditch in November and Dad vs. car going 55 MPG while on his motorcycle in March (just two days before my birthday, in fact).

What are you most proud of?

Juggling it all - mom, wife, student, professional, informed citizen. It's not always pretty, but most days I'm making it work.

What would you do over?

I need to figure out how to say yes to less. Just because an opportunity is exciting, doesn't mean I have to do it. I need to prioritize and find focus.

If I could go back, I would also obsess less over Will's helmet. Although it felt very major at the time, it really was such a relatively short period of time. I'm glad we did it and I'm glad it's over. But it wasn't worth all my worry and tears. We made it through, his head is beautiful, and everyone is fine.


How's married life?

I need to find more time for Ben. He often gets overlooked in the chaos. But I love him with all my heart. He's the one person who can always make me laugh, let me cry, etc. He just "gets" me. And at the end of the day, there's no one I'd rather snuggle up next to.

How's parenthood?

Will is, without a doubt, the greatest thing I will ever do with my life. The toddler stage can be trying at times, but more often than not, it's a blast. I love this age way more than having an infant. Watching him learn and interact with the world is so awesome.

How's work?

Work is crazy busy. In case you haven't been keeping track, I now have two part-time jobs and a full-time graduate student schedule. Insane! Every day is an exercise on finding balance. I'm still learning, and trying to figure out how to prioritize.

What's next?

The next year is poised to be a big one... I'm graduating in December, and Ben and I have started talking about having another baby. I really don't want to start trying until after I'm done with school, but hopefully I will have some fun baby news to share before my next birthday. Not to mention that birthday will be a big one... 30 (eek!).

Remember that blog I used that have?

Oh yeah, Me too.

I'm really ridiculously behind on my letters to Will. I sense a mea culpa and some combo months fast approaching here.

The long and short of it is: I'm busy. Damn busy. But doing some really fun and exciting things. I love being a pseudo stay-at-home mom to Will. Taking him to early childhood development classes, putting him down for naps, exploring on the trails by our house, reading books, playing cars. I love that. But I also love getting to go to work a few days a week. I love my new part-time job as a career services advisor at a local technical college. My students are awesome and my colleagues are great. I feel so fortunate to be working in a field I'm really, stupidly passionate about.

Even when I'm up to my ears in research papers and lit reviews, I love my graduate program. I love that I get to think critically, contribute to a community of learners, and read interesting perspectives from experts in adult education. I love my relationships with my professors and my fellow students. And I love that the end is in sight. (I graduate with my M.S. in Educational Leadership in December. Yay!)

I love my husband. I love that he's so supportive of my dreams. He holds me up and lends extra support (with minimal grumbling) whenever it's needed. He gets overlooked a lot in my crazy working/mom/student life, but he's really the most important piece to the whole puzzle. He literally holds everything together.

It's not all sunshine and rainbows though. Some days are really hard. Some days I get home from work and can't find the energy to read "Click Clack Moo" for the thousandth time. Some days (er, most days) I only get five or six hours of sleep. Some days I literally forget to eat. I got home from school on Thursday night and realized the only thing I had eaten all day was a granola bar. Some days I'm beat up and exhausted, left wondering "how the hell am I doing this?"

But I'm making it. With lots of support. One day at a time.

Finding Balance

This is going to be a short one, because, guess what? I've got way too damn much going on.

In fact, I feel like I'm doing everything in life half-assed lately. I'm pretty sure I know what needs to go, but I'm having trouble actually pulling the trigger. In pursuit of trying to do it all (mother, wife, employee, student, volunteer, friend, daughter, blogger, etc), I'm finding that I'm actually doing nothing well.  Like most mothers, I'm really struggling with how to find balance.

So I'll leave you with this thought from a career blogger that I follow: "To make real progress, you have to get rid of busy and replace it with focus."


I will be giving that some serious thought.

Big Boy Bed

Freedom!

About two weeks ago, Ben was home with Will for the afternoon while Mama was at work. Ben heard Will wake up. He was talking happily to himself and then all of a sudden... THUMP!

Yep, that's right. My 19 month old fell out of his crib.

Ben said it was the most awful sound he's ever heard, not to mention the crying that followed. Poor, Will! According to Ben, it looked like he had the wind knocked out of him. But it was nearly a four foot fall, so we shouldn't be surprised.

Needless to say, this freaked the hell out of Ben and I. He could have been seriously hurt! Not to mention, we weren't really expecting to have the "big boy bed" transition quite yet. I honestly thought we had until well after Will turned two.

No such luck. The same day as the great crib accident of 2012, Ben removed the side of Will's crib and installed the toddler bed converter (shown above). No real preparation for Mama, Daddy or Will. Just a decision to put safety first. Because, let's be honest. If he did it once, odds are he will do it again.

Thankfully, the transition has been smooth for the most part. Overnights were no problem from day one. Mostly because it's dark in his room at night, and I think he forgets he can get out. That and he's genuinely exhausted after being a busy toddler all day.

Naps have been a little more challenging, but he's getting it. The first day, it took 90 minutes to get him to fall asleep because he kept getting out and testing his new boundaries (and Mama's patience).

That day, we made the decision to remove all toys from his room, except books and stuffed animals. Ben and I both decided that we don't care if he plays quietly in his room before taking a nap, but we need him to understand that he sleeps in his bed (not on the floor). So we employ some version of Ferberizing, where we go in every 5-10 minutes, remind him that it's time to sleep and put him back in bed. We let him keep whatever he's playing with, but he needs to do it in bed.

Since that first day, naps have gotten much easier. There are definitely some days where I have to go in there three or more times to return him to his bed, but he generally doesn't complain about it. He even climbs in his bed and tells us when he's sleepy now (which is super cute, by the way).

So if you're nearing the point where you're going to convert your crib or get a toddler bed, here are our tips:

1) Remove most toys from the room. We elected to leave quiet toys in there, but his train table had to go. There was no way he was going to stay in bed with that kind of distraction.

2) Keep things as familiar as possible. We have a convertible crib, so despite taking off the crib wall, everything else stayed exactly the same. I think having his mattress, bedding and stuffed animals as they were before really helped with the transition.

3) Keep calm. That first nap was really, really trying. I had to do everything in my power to stay cool, even when he scampered out of bed immediately after I put him down. We didn't want him to see his bed as a punishment or something being forced on him, but we also wanted to establish clear boundaries and bedtime behavior. Patience and consistency was so important (but really, isn't it always in parenthood?).

Preschool

A couple of weeks ago I made a casual call to a local preschool asking if kids had to be potty trained prior to enrolling (they don't, but they want you to be working on it). I chatted a bit with the school director, who then asked, "would you like to be placed on the waiting list for Spring 2013?"

Excuse me, what?

I've heard the stories about crazy preschool waiting lists in larger cities. But this is northeast Wisconsin. I honestly thought I was being the crazy mom by calling so early. And I wasn't even calling to register. I was simply calling about an enrollment/readiness question.

So Ben and I whipped it into high gear and set up a few appointments to tour preschools in our community. All were lovely. The teachers seemed great, and the facilities were nice. But there was one preschool that seemed like a really great fit. 

It's a small community preschool run by a very experienced early childhood educator. They run a Monetessori-esque curriculum, but integrate a different math and science program to more closely mirror what is taught in our local school district. The children range in age from 2 1/2 to 5 years old, so the curriculum builds to meet various educational and developmental needs. They focus a lot on the primary Montessori principles of self-direction, experiential learning, and helping one another.

The space is very home-like, with a kitchen and snack area, couches and chairs, various desks and learning stations, and plenty of soft, natural light. They really work to facilitate a community at the school, getting parents involved as much as possible.

We happened to be there during snack time, which really knocked our socks off. Two of the children were assigned to help with snack that day, so they set the tables with cups, plates and napkins, while the other children passed around platters of Kashi cereal and blueberries. Each child served themselves, but waited to eat until every child had filled their plate. For real. Most of these kids were 3 and 4 years old. It was the greatest exhibition of self-control and manners I had ever seen. 

Will (who at 17 months doesn't have the self-control or understanding to wait), started with his blueberries right away. The little boy next to us said (quite sweetly), "Wait! Not everybody has their food yet! It'll just be another second. We have to be patient!" Die.

So needless to say, we're thrilled. And while I don't want Will to grow up a second faster than necessary, I can't wait for next spring. Preschool is going to be great for him.

Resolutions

I'm never really big on New Year's resolutions. I love goal lists, like the one I set for interim break. But New Year's resolutions always seem so massive and unattainable to me. Like there's just too much time for you to veer off track.

However, in the spirit of starting fresh, I am going to set a few resolutions this year. Among them:

1) Get a real hair style. It needs to be low-maintenance (I mean, let's be realistic). But there has to be something more polished than what I have now. My hair has a slight wave to it, so I'm thinking something that embraces that.

2) Be more fashionable. I love clothes, but I really have no clue how to style myself. I need a couple of basic pieces and some fab accessories to start feeling a bit more hip. Pinterest has been helping with this, but I need to clean out my closet, take inventory of what I already have, and strategize some new purchases.

3) Unplug while Will's awake. I need to stop checking my email, Facebook, Pinterest, etc when I'm home with Will. Not that I'm neglecting him, but I certainly login more times than I need to while he's awake. Save online for nap time.

4) Find more time for Ben. It's not easy on the hubs having me in school. Virtually all of my free time goes to homework, leaving very little one-on-one time for us. We're making due and the end is in sight, but I need to do a better job of carving out time just for him.

5) Get our finances figured out. Now that I'm back to work, we actually have the capacity to save again. I need to update our budget and come up with a figure that we can reasonably set aside every month. I need to open a 529 college savings plan for Will (this in is long overdue). And we need to add Will as a beneficiary on our 401(k) plans.

On Vaccines

Not to engage in a pointed and highly political debate, but I had to share this post by one of my favorite bloggers. She sums up my stance on the vaccine debate perfectly.

We choose to vaccinate Will because we believe in herd immunity. We believe in the good that vaccines do, and we believe in our responsibility to keep ourselves and others safe from serious illnesses.

That being said, the amount of toxins and preservatives in vaccines troubles us, so we do a delayed vaccine schedule. We choose to space out shots so that Will doesn't receive more than three vaccines at any one appointment. I know three sounds like a lot, but when you consider how often kids receive combo vaccines (MMR, DTaP, etc), we typically reach that three vaccine threshold in just one shot. At our last appointment, if we would have followed the recommended schedule, Will would have received three shots for a total of eight vaccines. That just seems like a lot for his little body to handle.

For us, the delayed schedule is the best of both worlds. It allows us to control the toxins being put into Will's body, as well as monitor any reactions or side effects more closely. Yet he's still fully vaccinated.

I know several families that don't elect to vaccinate. They are wonderful, caring people, who also care deeply for Will. This was not a decision they made lightly, and I respect their individual choice. But for us, herd immunity is a powerful thing. We're a community and we need to think like a community.

Graduation (Now With Photos!)

Things have been so busy around here that I forgot to share the good news: Will "graduated" from his helmet!

He was officially done on Monday, July 11 after five months of wear. To say we were ready to be done was an understatement. Will was getting really uncomfortable in the summer heat, and he was becoming more aware of the helmet on his head, tugging and pulling at it often. Needless to say, it was time.

If you want the measurements, Will started at a cephalic index (head width to depth ratio) of 100%. Normal is 83%, but our orthotist only recommends treatment for kids above 92% (three standard deviations from the norm). Will ended at 90.5%, so below the treatment threshold, but still worse than the average kid.

Side view (January 2011 - 5 months old)

Side view (July 2011 - 11 months old)

Top view (January 2011 - 5 months old)

Top view (July 2011 - 11 months old)

Man, when you look at the top view, you can really see the difference. I can't believe we ever told ourselves that it wasn't a serious problem. Moreover, I can't believe our pediatrician ever believed that it would fix itself. Will's case was bad, and given that treatment is more effective the younger the baby is, I'm so glad we pushed for a referral when we did.

After $2,800 and five months, Will's head isn't perfect. It's still flat. Not so flat that most people notice it, but flat nonetheless. Sometimes I struggle with whether or not we should have kept going, but I didn't want this to be about the pursuit of perfection. Will had a severe condition that needed treatment. We got it for him. He saw significant improvement. And that's a victory we can be proud of.

Regret

I have very few parenting regrets thus far. But there are some.

I regret not being able to breastfeed longer.

I regret not seeking treatment for my postpartum depression sooner.

And I regret circumcising my son.

After we found out we were having a boy, I left the circumcision decision up to Ben. After all, he has the boy parts, and he's the boy's father. I told Ben I wasn't crazy about circumcision, but it was ultimately his decision. And Ben wanted his son to "look like" his father. So circumcision it was.

Since Ben elected to do the circumcision, I made him go with Will to have the procedure done. Ben said it was a little gnarly, but that Will did great. He cried when they strapped him on the procedure board, but not at all when they actually made the cut. Will had no complications with his circumcision, and he healed nicely. But in retrospect, I wish we would have left our son intact.

The reasons I used to rationalize the decision seem so foolish now. It's more hygienic. He should look like his dad. Most men are circumcised. It wasn't until months later that I took time to discover the truth. Boys can be shown how to clean under their foreskin, just as girls are shown how to clean their labia. Most boys won't even notice or care that they look different from their father. The American Academy of Pediatrics does not indorse routine circumcision. And the national circumcision rate continues to drop. Only 33 percent of boys were circumcised in 2009 (though this percentage is higher when you isolate the midwest).

The truth is, as they wheeled my baby away to be circumcised, every ounce of me wanted to scream "stop!" But on day two of his life, I didn't yet know to trust my motherly intuition. So I stayed silent, and tried not to think about what was happening to him.

I never actual saw my son's uncircumcised penis. Isn't that crazy? But I didn't change his diaper until after we left the hospital, after the procedure had been done. I still remember opening up his diaper for the first time at home and being horrified at how red and swollen his little penis looked. I knew in that instant we had made the wrong decision.

But as parents, when we know better we do better. So despite Ben's objections, if we have another boy, I will not consent to having him circumcised. I don't presume to know what's best for other families, and I respect whatever course other parents choose for their sons. But it's not something I will elect to do again. I regret having to make that decision at Will's expense.

My very first Mother's Day

Wow! I must say that Mother's Day is simply awesome. Ben spoiled me rotten with breakfast in bed and a beautiful card. I got lots of baby snuggles and didn't have to change a diaper all day. Now that's a gift!

I know this is Mother's Day, but I made it a point to tell Ben that I would not be a good mother without a good father. While it's nice to have the spotlight for a day, we are a team and I could not walk this road without him.

I found myself reflecting quite a bit today. On my first year as a mother, my own mom, and what I want for my child. Not that we should need a special day to do that, but life gets in the way sometimes. It's good just to slow down and take a moment to appreciate what really matters.

Much love to my incredible family. And thank you for a memorable first Mother's Day!

Breakfast (and baby toys) in bed. If you look closely, you can see my
Mother's Day flowers on the left!

Yep, that's Will and I on the card. Awwww!

We had a beautiful day!

Happy Mother's Day, Mama!