I'm baaaaack!

If I'm popping up in your blog reader... surprise! After a 6+ month hiatus, I've decided to resurrect the blog.

Turns out, I really missed this whole blogging gig. Specifically, I missed writing about my kid. About parenting. About pregnancy. I missed recording my joys, frustrations, challenges and triumphs. Perhaps most importantly, I missed writing it all down so I could actually remember it.

So I'm back.  :)

There have been many changes in our lives since my last post. We're expecting another baby (a girl!). Will started and stopped preschool (more on that soon). I only have one part-time job now instead of two (priorities, people). I graduated with my master's degree (no more homework!).

I feel like I have so much to tell you. We'll get caught up and re-aquainted in the coming weeks. But in the meantime, I missed you!

The End of the Road

I've been really focused on finding balance lately. You may remember this quote I shared in a post a few weeks ago:

"To make real progress, you have to get rid of busy and replace it with focus."

I've been thinking a lot about that a lot, and have made the (difficult) decision to conclude my Baby Steps blog.


There have been a lot of changes happening around here as of late. I accepted an adjunct position at a local technical college and then an opportunity to run a local young professionals network pretty much fell in my lap. Both align with my long-term career goals (higher education career services and career skill development) and, perhaps more importantly, get me really fired up to go to work every day.


Because, let's be serious, if I'm going to be away from my darling baby boy 25-30 hours/week, it better be for something worthwhile.


I have long had trouble saying "no." To people, projects, opportunities, you name it. I attribute this to being type A and being a first born. We're natural people pleasers. But a friend recently shared her new mantra: 

"If it doesn't make you say 'hell yeah!' then it's not worth doing." 

In short, if you're luke warm about something, it probably doesn't have a place in your life. And unfortunately, I have become luke warm about this blog in recent months.


I started Baby Steps in 2009 when Ben and I were first trying to get pregnant. From there it morphed into a pregnancy journal to keep my mom updated on my baby bump. Then, inspired by other mom bloggers, it was a forum to record moments in Will's life. I shared a lot over the years, everything from my struggle with postpartum depression to cloth diapering to recipes to my monthly letters to Will. Not to mention hundreds of adorable pictures.


But in recent months my blogging activity has started to dwindle. As I seek to replace my busy with focus, I have started taking a hard look at the commitments in my life. I decided that I need to focus on those things that either a) allow me to spend more time with my child, or b) help me to advance my personal goals. And unfortunately this blog was neither.


Although I'm stepping down from this forum, I'm not leaving blogging all together. In an effort to replace my busy with focus, I'm redirecting my writing toward something that will help me in my 9-5 life. So if you'd like to continue seeing me online, please head over to my new career development blog for young professionals.


To every one of you that has ever read or commented over the years, thank you. You have been so incredible. I'm so appreciative that you took the time to read my thoughts and share in this journey. You are amazing.


TTFN

Remember that blog I used that have?

Oh yeah, Me too.

I'm really ridiculously behind on my letters to Will. I sense a mea culpa and some combo months fast approaching here.

The long and short of it is: I'm busy. Damn busy. But doing some really fun and exciting things. I love being a pseudo stay-at-home mom to Will. Taking him to early childhood development classes, putting him down for naps, exploring on the trails by our house, reading books, playing cars. I love that. But I also love getting to go to work a few days a week. I love my new part-time job as a career services advisor at a local technical college. My students are awesome and my colleagues are great. I feel so fortunate to be working in a field I'm really, stupidly passionate about.

Even when I'm up to my ears in research papers and lit reviews, I love my graduate program. I love that I get to think critically, contribute to a community of learners, and read interesting perspectives from experts in adult education. I love my relationships with my professors and my fellow students. And I love that the end is in sight. (I graduate with my M.S. in Educational Leadership in December. Yay!)

I love my husband. I love that he's so supportive of my dreams. He holds me up and lends extra support (with minimal grumbling) whenever it's needed. He gets overlooked a lot in my crazy working/mom/student life, but he's really the most important piece to the whole puzzle. He literally holds everything together.

It's not all sunshine and rainbows though. Some days are really hard. Some days I get home from work and can't find the energy to read "Click Clack Moo" for the thousandth time. Some days (er, most days) I only get five or six hours of sleep. Some days I literally forget to eat. I got home from school on Thursday night and realized the only thing I had eaten all day was a granola bar. Some days I'm beat up and exhausted, left wondering "how the hell am I doing this?"

But I'm making it. With lots of support. One day at a time.

Finding Balance

This is going to be a short one, because, guess what? I've got way too damn much going on.

In fact, I feel like I'm doing everything in life half-assed lately. I'm pretty sure I know what needs to go, but I'm having trouble actually pulling the trigger. In pursuit of trying to do it all (mother, wife, employee, student, volunteer, friend, daughter, blogger, etc), I'm finding that I'm actually doing nothing well.  Like most mothers, I'm really struggling with how to find balance.

So I'll leave you with this thought from a career blogger that I follow: "To make real progress, you have to get rid of busy and replace it with focus."


I will be giving that some serious thought.

2011 In Review

I totally love blog memes. They are so damn fun (to read and to write). As a writer, they are particularly effective when you're trying to meet your thrice weekly blog posting goal.

So here's my 2011 in review, copied from Baby Mama Drama (who I don't know, but read all the time because we have a mutual friend). Is that creepy? Maybe. Anyway, enjoy!

1. What did you do in 2011 that you’d never done before? I saw a psychiatrist! That was pretty major. I started taking graduate classes full-time. And I went back to work part-time (which is new because I've never "worked" while being a mom). 

2. Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I think I kept my 2011 resolutions for the most part. I definitely worry less, and I'm a multi-tasking rock star. And yes, I made some new ones for this year. I'm also really excited to try these style resolutions from one of my fav blogs.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Many dear friends had babies this year! Welcome to the world Caleb John, Collyns Maureen, Winnie Grace and Annika Piper!

4. Did anyone close to you die? My grandfather passed away in November, just days after my mom had a serious car accident. November pretty much sucked.

5. What countries did you visit? No international travel for us this year. I dreamed of Costa Rica and Spain though.

6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011? More hours in the day?

7. What dates from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? Will's first birthday (8/8/11) certainly comes to mind. And although I probably won't remember the specific date (6/30/11), I will always remember 2011 as the year we bought our new house.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? My biggest achievement was juggling motherhood, work and school. It's not easy. I'm hyper-organized and over-tired, but I'm getting it all done. Multi-tasking at it's finest!

9. What was your biggest failure? I don't think I made enough time for the hubs this year. I'm going to work on that in 2012.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? I finally sought treatment for my postpartum depression.

11. What was the best thing you bought? Our new house! It's just so nice and new and maintenance-free.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? Ben's. He continues to be an enduring source of unconditional love and support. And he's a damn good dad.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? My own. The depths of my depression literally shocked me. Luckily it was an ill-timed outburst that finally motivated me to get the help I needed. But seeking help is also a source of celebration, so it has a happy ending.

14. Where did most of your money go? Our new house... although there's not much to fix up, we put a considerable chunk (20%) down.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Selling our old house was awesome. It happened so quickly (only a month on the market), we couldn't believe it! Buying our new house was pretty sweet too. We're so happy here.

16. What song(s) will always remind you of 2011? Ha, probably the CD by Will's music teacher, Miss Patricia. We listen to it all the time in the car. She's like the toddler-whisperer.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you... 

a) happier or sadder? Definitely happier, thanks in large part to my medication.

b) thinner or fatter? Definitely fatter, but I needed to put on some pounds after I lost a ton of weight during my depression. 

c) richer or poorer? Definitely richer. I'm back at work, and we don't have nearly the maintenance or upkeep costs that we had at our old house.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of? I wish I would have taken more one-on-one time with Ben (see number 9 above).

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? I wish I would have watched less TV. We're really good at keeping the TV off while Will's awake, but there's no reason to be up until 11:00 PM watching stuff on Netflix.

20. How did you spend Christmas? We spent our first Christmas in our new house! We made pancakes and hot chocolate on Christmas morning, and opened presents with Will. It was the perfect Christmas morning.

21. Did you fall in love in 2011? I swear, I fall more and more in love with Will every day. He's so amazing.

22. What was your favorite TV program? Sons of Anarchy. Hands down.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? Hate is a waste of time. Plenty of people and things irritate me though.

24. What was the best book you read? I didn't have much time for "fun" reading outside of grad school, but I was able to read The Hunger Games trilogy over Christmas break. So. Good.

25. What did you want and get? My new job!

26. What did you want and not get? An iPhone. Ben says hell no.

27. What was your favorite film of this year? I saw exactly one movie this year: The Help. So I guess I'll go with that. It was good, but I liked the book better.

28. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 28 in 2011. I can't for the life of me remember what we did. Probably went out to dinner somewhere. That's the standard Zinth family birthday celebration.

29. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? More coffee. I can never get enough coffee.

30. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011? Sadly, I don't think I had one (see resolutions for 2012). If anything, it was probably "mom chic" (lots of cotton tops, skinny jeans and slip-on shoes).

31. What kept you sane? My Zoloft! Sad, but true.

32. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? I have a serious obsession with Ed Westwick (Chuck on Gossip Girl) and Charlie Hunnam (Jax on Sons of Anarchy).

33. What political issue stirred you the most? The whole Scott Walker collective bargaining debacle. You probably need to be from Wisconsin to know what I'm talking about, but he sucks. Luckily we're on our way to a recall!

34. Who did you miss? I found myself missing all my stay-at-home mom friends when I returned to work in September. They're such an awesome group of women, and I adore their kiddos.

35. Who was the best new person you met? So many great new colleagues and classmates.

36. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011. Be flexible. Life with a child makes you loosen up and let go of your expectations.

37. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year. 

'Cause baby you're a firework,

Come on, show 'em what you're worth,

Make 'em go, ah ah ah,

As you shoot across the sky, sky, sky.

Baby, you're a firework,

Come on, let your colors burst,

Make 'em go, ah ah ah,

You're gonna leave 'em falling down.

Hi Ho, Hi Ho

Back in September I returned to work 15 hours/week after being a stay-at-home mom for 13 months. In many ways I was ready (I missed the adult interaction, professional responsibilities, etc), but I mostly did it because we needed the money. We were making it month to month on one income, but we weren't saving enough to do the things we wanted to do for ourselves and Will. Vacations, a basement playroom and Montessori preschool cost money, people.

So back to work I went. And surprisingly, I loved it. Way more than I thought I would. I forgot how much I missed my professional self. And while I also missed Will, it was great to get a break.

Being a stay-at-home mom is hard work. Damn hard. So going to the office actually felt like a mini-vacation. Enough time to energize my brain and recharge my batteries. And while I found myself missing play dates and child development classes with all our friends, I also found that I was a much more present parent when I was with Will. It's as if being apart made me make the most of our time together, since it was no longer unlimited.

It seemed to be a nice balance, and I was a rock star at my job. So much so that they offered me a 30 hour/week contract position within the department. I wasn't sure that I wanted to work that much when Will is this young, but it's a great opportunity. It's a two-year project appointment, throughout which I will be planning a new master's degree program for the university. The best part is that they gave me a flexible schedule, which means I can work from home two afternoons a week. So I work three days a week on-campus, and two days a week at home during Will's naptime. Perfection.

However, on top of this new job and being a mom, I'm still trying to finish my master's degree. I have three semesters and 13 credits remaining before I graduate this December (woot!). Just 11 months to go... wish me luck!