Unsolicited Advice (Sorry, Amy)

My friend Amy is in her third trimester and the poor dear keeps getting tons of unsolicited advice from me. Amy, I'm so sorry. It's just that I've been on this baby island alone for so long, I feel the need to impart my wisdom anywhere and everywhere I can.

So when I came across this post by Laura at My Thoughts - Uninterrupted, I just had to share. Her insights are spot on. I will, however, add the following...

1) No stage lasts forever. I know it feels like you will never sleep again and the baby will never, ever stop fussing. But trust me, they grow out of it. Even Will, who was seriously sleep challenged and unbelievably colicky, has transformed into an excellent sleeper with a sweet and silly disposition. So do the best you can to weather each storm as it comes. This too shall pass.

2) Breastfeeding is hard. This was easily the most shocking part of new motherhood for me. Breastfeeding is really hard! No one old me that my nipples would be so sore that it would hurt to wear a bra, or that without the right latch they would crack and bleed, or that nursing could take up to an hour. I wholeheartedly believe in breastfeeding. In fact, I wish Will and I could have done it longer. But if you want to breastfeed, make sure you have a ton of support - from your partner, your friends, a lactation consultant, a local La Leche League group, wherever. Just get people behind you that are sympathetic to the challenges and want you to succeed.

3) Sleep when the baby sleeps. This is way easier said than done, I know, but seriously. You need to sleep when the baby sleeps. At least in the beginning. Laundry and dishes and vacuuming can wait. Just lay down in your bed when the baby is sleeping. Even if you're reading a magazine or watching TV. Just physically lay down and let yourself rest. The baby will be up at 3:00 AM before you know it, and you'll be glad you took moments to rest during the day.

4) Join a group for new moms. For the same reason you need breastfeeding support, you also need new mom support. And while your friends with kids know what you're going through, it's super important to make friends who are actually going through it with you. I attended a moms club at a local hospital after Will was born. Not only did it give me somewhere to be during the week (bonus!), but it also allowed me to make friends with moms who had kids around Will's age. Because though your friend/sister/cousin/co-worker with kids gets it, you need people in your life who are actually living the same stage as you.

5) It's OK to need a breather. At the height of Will's colic our pediatrician told me, "Babies don't cry to death. When it's getting to be too much, it's OK to put him down and take a breather." I only had to do this once, but it was nice to know that it was an option. When you can't take it anymore, put the baby somewhere safe (crib, bassinet, pack and play, etc) and take 5 minutes to just breathe. The baby will be fine while you pull yourself together. Cry, blast music on your iPod, take a quick shower, whatever. Just know it's OK to need a break, even if that means the baby cries (safely) for a few minutes.

6) Don't get obsessed with developmental milestones. I read the following by an early-childhood education expert... "Children are like popcorn. They all pop, just at different times." Every kid is unique. An average is an average because there are kids on both sides of the spectrum. I actually got rid of my What To Expect the First Year book. Will was often late on many of their milestone dates, which led me to panic about his development. Yes, you need to be aware of where your child is so you can intervene early if there are problems. And yes, you should discuss your concerns with your pediatrician. But don't freak if your kid doesn't meet milestones exactly when the book says they will. You know your child better than a book. Let them develop at their own pace.

That's my two cents. How 'bout it mamas? Any other recommendations you'd like to share?

To work or not to work?

That is the question.

I've been offered a part-time graduate assistantship for the 2011-2012 academic year. The job would be a good fit for me... 15 hours per week, competitive pay, and in my program department with professors I know and respect.

The position would require me to be away from Will 2-3 days a week, which I know doesn't sound major, but feels incredibly monumental since I'm only away from him about 4 hours a week now.

Will will be 13 months when the position begins, which is plenty old to start spending a few days a week away from Mama. It's not that I'm worried about him being with someone else. My mother-in-law would take him one day a week (maybe more). The other days he would be at the university child care center, which is a very nice facility.

But I'm having trouble reconciling my desire to gain experience in my chosen field with my desire to be home with my child. I just don't know what the right thing to do is.

Ah, mom guilt.

Me Time

One of the best things I've done for myself lately is to ask my mother-in-law to take Will on Thursday afternoons. It's such a lovely break.

Sometimes I do homework or clean. Other days I go shopping or grab lunch. Today I'm getting my hair cut, and enjoying a few quiet hours of down time.

But wouldn't you know it... I miss him terribly already. I wonder what he's doing, if he's fussy, and whether he misses me. I know it's good for him (and me) to spend some time apart, but I'm already counting down the minutes until 4:00.

Parenthood is so fickle.

Balancing act

Being pregnant with your first child is kind of like jumping into the unknown. You know things are going to be different, but you're not exactly sure how. You try and prepare yourself, but despite your best efforts, parenthood is a club reserved for those actually living it.

What Ben and I know for sure is that our lives will never be the same. Part of what scares me the most is juggling so many important priorities at once. How do we make time for our baby, our marriage and ourselves?

Obviously, it's all baby all the time when you bring your newborn home. That's an adjustment that you can only work on one day at a time. But I appreciated these suggestions from a Bay area blogger on how to be a happier parent in the long-run.

Apparently having kids makes you unhappy

Marketplace had a great editorial last night on happiness and parenthood. Apparently, adults with children report being less happy than their peers without children. Regardless of gender, marital status, religion, income or education level. Regardless of whether their kids are young or out of the house. Adults with children are statistically unhappier throughout their lives.

Hmmmm. A little concerning to the six month pregnant woman who has really enjoyed life to date.

The journalist argues that happiness is just one component of a "good life." And perhaps children offer a sense of fulfillment that isn't explicitly captured when a survey asks how happy you are.

Despite being an excited soon-to-be-mother, I know there are tough times ahead. Sleeping in and eating out will soon be things of the past. There will be significantly less money. And I am fully handing myself over to the needs of a small, squirming, helpless person.

So why do it? Why give up quality time with my husband, late nights with my girlfriends, disposable income and a flat stomach?

I guess I don't really know how to answer that. Other than I know in my heart that I want to be a mother. I want to have babies with my kind, funny, handsome, wonderful husband. And I want to give the unconditional love and support that I receive from my mother to my own children.

As parents we may be less happy. But the journalist challenges us to ask a different question. Knowing what you know now, would you still choose to have kids?

For most parents, the answer is still a resounding yes.

Happy Mother's Day.

Long weekend

My three day weekend begins in about an hour. On my to-do list:

1. Read two books
2. Start planning my garden (my only serious summer project other than growing a baby)
3. Grab breakfast at Pilora's (hello, french toast!)
4. Pick up my sweet new vacuum (dog hair is no match for this beast)
5. Take Stella for a long walk
6. Organize my kitchen cabinets (at this point, there's no room for bottles and other baby paraphernalia)
7. Remove all non-baby items from the nursery closet
8. Make Ben an incredible dinner
9. Watch The Blindside

Not necessarily in that order. Happy Easter everyone!

Weekend Away

My birthday weekend getaway was AMAZING.

We shopped. We ate. I read. Ben watched basketball. We both relaxed. It was devine.

The weather was beautiful. A little brisk, but not a cloud in the sky. It was the perfect weekend. The ideal way to celebrate my 27th birthday, and savor what little alone time we have left before baby.