Puppy love

We're getting a dog today! Stella is a one-year old Great Dane. I'm so excited to bring her home.

I'm quite certain Ben only agreed to her because of our conception troubles, but whatever. We'll give her a great home. I'm pumped!

100 days

A friend who is also struggling to get pregnant recommended Taking Charge of Your Fertility by Toni Weschler. I can safely say, it's the most fascinating thing I've ever read.

Among the fun facts... it takes 100 days to create new sperm. 100 days! So your lifestyle choices of three months ago may be influencing your ability to conceive now.

Ironically, Ben's sperm are now hopped up on percocet, as 100 days ago he went under the knife for his ACL reconstruction. The slight (if even possible) benefit? He wasn't drinking at all then, so abstaining from alcohol may have had a positive effect on his sperm count. So beyond the heavy narcotic pain meds, he was actually leading a fairly healthy lifestyle. Go Ben.

And go babies!

Tears and Pregnancy Tests

Nope, not pregnant. The test confirmed it. And I cried. A lot.

The cosmic kick in the face was my period arrived a mere 15 minutes later, after being 5 days late. It was like the universe said, "Hey lady, you just wasted a $5 pregnancy test. Ha!"

I'm trying to be positive, but I have this honest-to-God, gut-feeling that we're infertile.

Maybe it has to do with wanting something so badly and knowing you can't do a damn thing about it. Either our bodies work together, or the don't. But the worst part? We can't even see a specialist until we've had 12 months of regular, properly-timed intercourse. That seems like an eternity to be trying and not getting pregnant.

Only 25% of couples conceive in their first month, so this is not uncommon. But I am still sad. It makes me want to scream at the 16 year-olds who get pregnant by accident.

Just five more minutes

It turns out I like sleep.

Ben's ACL recovery is going well, but it's been a bit trying at night. He doesn't sleep well, and (for the first few days) needed assistance getting in and out of bed. As a result, we were up every 3-4 hours for a bathroom break, leg adjustment, pain pill, etc.

Perhaps a preview of sleep expectations with baby? Hopefully the kid comes with a snooze button.

Some kind of church

Ben and I had the "come to Jesus" meeting about babies last week. And we have reached a decision.

Baby-makin' begins August 23. Well, to be fair it doesn't technically begin then, but that's the day I'm off the pill. I'm nervously excited. Or excitedly nervous. Which ever you prefer.

Unfortunately, a few days after we circled the date in pen on our kitchen calendar, Ben found out he's having ACL reconstruction surgery. Now granted, this doesn't technically affect those parts, but it will inhibit his mobility for awhile. For reproduction's sake, I'm praying for a speedy recovery.

We'll have kids... someday

Children always used to be a charming and far-off topic. Ben and I would talk about it in a very abstract, someday kind of way. "When we have kids" would just roll of the tongue to introduce some off-hand comment about work, travel or finances. It was never a reality, just an eventuality.

But all of a sudden, children are a very real concept to me. I've become the woman who follows a stroller through the mall trying to catch a peek at the sleeping infant inside. I actually linger in the Target baby aisle. I spend more time looking up baby names than I care to admit.

At 26, I know that I'm ready to have a baby. And that's scary.

These days, 26 year olds don't have babies. 26 year olds party with their friends and play drinking games. They nurse hangovers, not infants. Whereas 26 used to be old for just starting a family, 26 is now far too early to be tied down. 26 is for building your career, seeing the world and meeting new people. 26 is for staying out until bar close, not waking up for a feeding at 2:00 a.m.

Yet, here I am. 26 and ready to have a baby.

Scary.