Ode to Birth Control

A few reasons why I miss birth control...

1) I was blissfully unaware that my body didn't want to ovulate.
2) The constant stream of hormones made my skin beautifully clear (I haven't seen blemishes like this since I was 14).

In other news, still no period. I know I'm not pregnant, but I'm going to be forced to take a pregnancy test tomorrow just to be sure. We have bridesmaid bar crawl on Saturday (a bar crawl in which you wear old bridesmaid dresses), and it seems irresponsible to drink without knowing for sure.

Just add the $5 pregnancy test to my conception tab.

Day 44

Still nothing. Boo.

Acupuncture Adventure

Turns out acupuncture isn't cheap. At $72/session (not covered by insurance), this better get me knocked up.

I had my first appointment today. It didn't hurt, and I definitely felt calmer and more relaxed after. It was actually a cool experience, but maybe not for $72/session (not covered by insurance).

The doctor started me on one session a week for 8 weeks. So every Monday at lunch, just picture me with four needles in my abdomen and one in each of my ankles.

It's a sight to behold. Don't worry, I'll take some pictures next week.

This doesn't feel normal, but thanks

I freaked out and called me doctor yesterday. She told me exactly what I expected to hear. This is normal, you're young, we need to wait it out and see if your body regulates itself.

Yeah, whatever.

It's a good thing I love my doctor. She's actually a nurse midwife, so she has a very holistic approach that I really like. If we get pregnant, I definitely want her with me along the way. But there are times (like this) that I wish she was a little more aggressive. This is normal, I'm young, I need to wait it out and see if my body regulates itself.

She did recommend acupuncture, which I think I'm going to try. It's not covered by insurance, but the treatments are done in a clinic setting. I was imagining going to some kooky woman's house with incense and cats. But treatments are at the same clinic as urgent care, so I feel like it's pretty legit.

Until then, more yoga, jogging and pre-natal vitamins. This is normal, I'm young, I need to wait it out and see if my body regulates itself.

Annoying Little Ovaries

Not a single positive ovulation test this month (we are now on day 29).

My basal body temps haven't shown any major shifts either. If anything, they've gotten more erratic as the month has progressed. I'm annoyed.

Come on ovaries... get with the plan!

Can I just ovulate, please?

Turns out it's really hard to make a baby if you don't ovulate. I'm in day 21 of my cycle, and still no positive OPK result. WTF?!?

Sometimes I think it's harder to be ovulation testing. Whereas I used to have some hope that we were getting pregnant, now I pretty much know for a fact that it's not happening. I hate that.

I need the optimism back.

Loveland, Colorado

Doesn't that just sound lovely?

Ben and I have invented an entire childless life plan in the event we can't get pregnant. Turns out Ben, Stella and I will be packing up and moving to Loveland, Colorado. We will ski. We will hike. We will buy a cute craftsman bungalow with mountain views. And we will start a new life that doesn't include children, since the midwestern version did.

Not a bad alternative I guess. But I'd still just like a baby.

Clomid = Baby

Another knocked up friend, but this one is a great success story.

T + K have been trying for 18 months (holy cow!). She was diagnosed with a thyroid disorder and PCOS. She started Clomid a few months ago, and lo and behold, a baby soon followed!

She has been a great resource for me, answering all of my questions about the infertility process. We're months away from seeking medical intervention, but she's been awesome nonetheless.

Congrats!

Say hello to my little friend

I got my period (finally). A mini-victory, but I'm pretty sure it was anovulation. This cycle was 40 days. Longer than it should be, but not unheard of given that I went off the pill only two months ago.

I've been charting my temps since I read Taking Charge of Your Fertility. I'm all over the board (a friend likened the pattern to five year-old's art project), but I'm trying to be diligent about it. My goal is to arm myself with data for my annual OB/GYN appointment in March. If I'm still not pregnant by then (6 months of trying), hopefully this info will help explain why and what to do next.

Knocking boots, just not knocked up

Sigh. Still not pregnant.

I know that I shouldn't expect it to happen right away. Many couples have several months of trying before they can conceive. But I'm taking it really hard. I guess I just hoped that it would be easier for us.

100 days

A friend who is also struggling to get pregnant recommended Taking Charge of Your Fertility by Toni Weschler. I can safely say, it's the most fascinating thing I've ever read.

Among the fun facts... it takes 100 days to create new sperm. 100 days! So your lifestyle choices of three months ago may be influencing your ability to conceive now.

Ironically, Ben's sperm are now hopped up on percocet, as 100 days ago he went under the knife for his ACL reconstruction. The slight (if even possible) benefit? He wasn't drinking at all then, so abstaining from alcohol may have had a positive effect on his sperm count. So beyond the heavy narcotic pain meds, he was actually leading a fairly healthy lifestyle. Go Ben.

And go babies!

Tears and Pregnancy Tests

Nope, not pregnant. The test confirmed it. And I cried. A lot.

The cosmic kick in the face was my period arrived a mere 15 minutes later, after being 5 days late. It was like the universe said, "Hey lady, you just wasted a $5 pregnancy test. Ha!"

I'm trying to be positive, but I have this honest-to-God, gut-feeling that we're infertile.

Maybe it has to do with wanting something so badly and knowing you can't do a damn thing about it. Either our bodies work together, or the don't. But the worst part? We can't even see a specialist until we've had 12 months of regular, properly-timed intercourse. That seems like an eternity to be trying and not getting pregnant.

Only 25% of couples conceive in their first month, so this is not uncommon. But I am still sad. It makes me want to scream at the 16 year-olds who get pregnant by accident.