Post-Op

Well, you've never experienced fun until you've carried your pee around in a bag outside your body.

Wednesday's surgery went well. The cyst was removed with just a minor complication. More of the cyst was attached to my urethra than they were expecting, so the surgeon had to reconstruct part of the urethral wall. This meant I had to wear a 24-hour catheter home, which was an absolute delight (as I'm sure you can imagine).

But the catheter came out this morning, and despite being a little sore and very sleepy, I'm feeling well. I was even able to nurse Charlotte earlier than expected, only 8 hours post-op.

I go back to see the surgeon on Tuesday, and can hopefully resume normal activity then (I'm on a lifting restriction again, so I can't lift Will or Charlotte's car seat until I get the all clear from the doc). Happy to have the procedure over and done with, though I have to say... 

The anesthesia nap was delightful.

40 x 40

I turned 30 this year. Whereas my 20s were filled with a lot of change and growth (college, career, first home, marriage, children, etc), I'm looking forward to the relative stability of my fourth decade. Ben and I have a house we love, we're done having children, we're both steadily growing in our chosen careers... we're ready to just be for a bit.

While we may not have any major life events on the horizon, I still want to make sure I'm seeing and experiencing as much as I can. So to keep things fresh and interesting, I developed a sort of bucket list for my 30s. I give you my forty by forty list...

40 x 40

1. Run a half marathon
2. Get a PhD
3. Write a children's book
4. Learn how to use my DSLR
5. Read Atlas Shrugged (it's 1,168 pages!)
6. Become a certified yoga instructor
7. Take a 3-4 week trip abroad with the kids
8. Enjoy a glass of wine in Napa Valley
9. Complete a sprint-length off-road triathlon
10. Take a beach vacation with Ben (children optional)
11. Visit the Grand Canyon
12. Learn how to play guitar
13. Knit something
14. Serve on the board of directors for a non-profit
15. Learn how to use a sewing machine
16. Make a quilt with my mom
17. Visit New York City
18. Master the art of the French press
19. Learn to say "hello" in 20 languages
20. Become a rock star chef on the grill
21. Take a tap dancing class
22. Go white water rafting
23. Climb a rock wall
24. Ride in a hot air balloon
25. Learn to play poker
26. Read every book that has won a Pulitzer Prize in the fiction category
27. Give a speech in front of a large group of people
28. Visit the White House
29. Participate in NaNoWriMo
30. Perform in a community theater production
31. Win an award for personal or professional achievement
32. Donate $1,000 to a non-profit I care about
33. See the redwoods in California
34. Go skiing in Colorado
35. Take surfing lessons
36. Give blood
37. Join the National Bone Marrow Registry
38. Host Thanksgiving dinner
39. Get a tattoo
40. Be part of a flash mob

One Month Old

Charlotte Louise (May 2013)

I wrote most of this on Charlotte's one month birthday, but never got around to publishing it. Although we're almost at the two month mark now, here are my thoughts on our sweet Charlotte at one month old.

Dear Charlotte,

You are the absolute sweetest baby. At one month old, you have settled into our lives so seamlessly. You are just so mello and content. You take everything in stride and rarely make a peep. Plus, you're so snuggly. If you're a little fussy, you settle instantly as soon as someone is holding or cuddling you. Your sweet personality warms my heart.

You gave us your very first smile just a few days ago. I was making faces at you and you cracked the sweetest little smile. Social smiles are still sporadic at best, but I love holding your eye contact and trying to get a reaction out of you. You're also becoming quite the talker, cooing and gurgling when you're happy.

At one month old, you practically live in the Beco carrier. I typically need two hands free to wrangle your brother, so wearing you is often the best option. This seems to suit us both, as you love to be cuddled. You are so serene when you're in the carrier... just looking around peacefully or nodding off to sleep. I love it.

You're still sleeping in bed with Mama and Daddy at night, although I know this has to end fairly soon. We consider co-sleeping to be a survival mechanism in these early weeks. Anything to get a few blissful hours of rest. We hope to help you transition to your crib in the coming weeks, but for now, I'm still enjoying snuggling up next to you, breathing in your sweet baby smell as I drift off to sleep.

You continue to be a great eater. You're nursing very well, and my breasts have all but healed from our earlier latch issues. You usually nurse 8-9 times a day, typically taking both breasts at each feeding. We also introduced a bottle when you turned four weeks old. You took the bottle without hesitation, and Daddy loves being able to feed you now. Although we try and limit you to one bottle feeding a day, it's nice for Mama to get a few extra hours of rest.

Your only serious dislike right now is bath time. You just wail when we put you in the tub. Tummy time is also low on your list, but you tolerate it. Will likes to "play" tummy time with you, laying next to you and coaxing you to turn your head toward him. You really seem to respond to his voice, and like looking at his face. Your early relationship as siblings just warms my heart.

I'm amazed by how my heart has swelled with love since you arrived. When I was pregnant, I couldn't fathom how I'd love another child as much as I love your brother. But from the moment you arrived, you have fully and completely captivated me. Often I just sit and stare at you, marveling over how sweet, snuggly and perfect you are. I am so thankful that you are ours.

Daddy and I love you so much, baby girl.

Love,

Mama

Just kidding...

Wednesday was my six week postpartum check, which was a big one because we were doing the follow-up and treatment plan for my vaginal prolapse.

Except...

It turns out I don't have a vaginal prolapse.

Upon further review (and second look when things were healed and not so ouchy after child birth), my midwife determined that the mass in my vaginal canal was not a prolapse. Good news!

Except...

What the hell is it then?

The midwife sent me to a urologist who believes it's a urethral cyst. Apparently fairly common in women. It just so happens mine flared up after child birth.

The not so good news? This sucker has to come off. So I'm scheduled for surgery in 10 days.

It's an outpatient procedure and should only take 20-30 minutes. I go in at 6:30 in the morning and I should be home before lunch time.

The big bummer is that I have to go under general anesthesia, which means I can't breastfeed for 24 hours after surgery. Charlotte is doing so well with breastfeeding... I hope this doesn't disrupt our nursing relationship.

Luckily she takes a bottle well and I already have enough milk for her in the freezer, but she'll only be eight weeks old on the day of the operation. I just hate the idea of not being able to nurse her for a whole day. Although I struggled with Will, I absolutely love nursing Charlotte. She's so little, and I don't want anything to jeopardize her breastfeeding success.

From the mouths of babes

Ah, toddlers. So precocious. And honest.

These are two of the best observations (insults?) that Will has made about me in the past week...

As I'm singing to the radio:

Will: "Mama, you should probably just let her sing that."

And my absolute favorite:

Will: "Mama, where did your big belly go?"
Me: "Charlotte was in my belly, buddy. When she was born my big belly went away."
Will: "Well, I still see your belly a little bit."

That'll be fine, Will. That'll be fine.

Fun Fact

A completely unmedicated and intervention-free delivery with a one night hospital stay costs...

$5,134.00

Wow.

I need a do-over

Today has been terrible.

Neither Will nor Charlotte wanted to sleep last night.

Because he was overtired, Will threw an epic tantrum this morning.

It's 82 degrees outside and none of my shorts fit.

I forgot to put on deodorant and breast pads before leaving the house.

I left my wallet at the coffee shop.

I have a plugged duct.

In sum: I need a do-over. Or a huge helping of dessert.

Maybe both.

Reflections from the Newborn Haze

Sorry blogging has been a bit lackluster lately. I only sleep about 3 hours at a time these days, so my brain is foggy and seemingly incapable of coherent thought.

Regardless, here are some musings on parenting two kids and parenting a newborn again...

1. I'm a much more relaxed parent this time around. This is likely because I'm not cripplingly depressed like I was with Will, not to mention Charlotte is a generally chill baby. I'm glad to have the "fun" newborn experience. Although Will grew into a sweet, funny, smart kid, the first few months of his life were really challenging. With Charlotte, I understand why people love newborns. She's just so sweet and cuddly!
2. Taking care of two kids isn't as overwhelming as I thought it would be. Honestly, the hardest part is leaving the house on time. Everything takes an additional 10-15 minutes these days.
3. I forgot how worthless it is to "sleep when the baby sleeps." I really tried to do this in the weeks immediately after the birth, but now, I want those two hours in the afternoon for me, not sleep. (Thus, why I'm blogging right now instead of napping.)
4. The patio furniture section at Target is the greatest place ever to breastfeed. Comfy chairs and pillows for the win! Bonus points if you get a Diet Coke to enjoy while you're back there.
5. The most used piece of baby gear this time around is our Beco carrier. I liked carriers with Will and we used them often, but having two hands free is a must with a two year-old. Charlotte pretty much lives strapped to my chest.